census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
