So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
