He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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