I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize