We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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