It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
