so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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