Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
