I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
