p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
