But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
