I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
