it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
