I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize