he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
