At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
