While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
