I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
