Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
