idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
