he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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