Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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