Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
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