So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have post one night stand depression
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