i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
