Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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