Jerry, you need to find god
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
