I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize