sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
