i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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