They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
