Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
