my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
