why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
