I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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