Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
we should paint friendship bongs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
