im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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