He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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