I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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