I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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