Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
