cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
