I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I FOUND THE LEGS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
