look no pants
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
