I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
