I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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