Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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