I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
