So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
