I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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