just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
