I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
