just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
