I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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