she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
