Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize