i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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