Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
