You just made me feel so damn special
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
