I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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