his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
