she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
