Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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