If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
