So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
